i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
