Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
