hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
