If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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