i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
