The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
