Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
