they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
