Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
