wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
