when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize