Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
