She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Im part way to drunk.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize