I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
