By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
