I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
