Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
