just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
