Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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