they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just want nice things and good sex
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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