JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
