I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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