Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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