I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
