last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
