FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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