they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
