Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
false alarm, still single
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