I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
