In the future we'll all be gay
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
