My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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