Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
