Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
smell my finger.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
