I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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