I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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