I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
