and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
