Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
