I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
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We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
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HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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