Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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