sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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