Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
