I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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