so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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