I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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