so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My ass is underappreciated
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
