I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
