Betty ford says i'm here all night
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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