Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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