My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
