we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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