Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
