I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
