Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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