I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
