Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We just shotgunned beers for America
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
