and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
