this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
