Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
