i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
