Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
