i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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