we have pet lesbian snakes
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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