Cold hands, warm shart.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
