saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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