I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
