I want to stick my p in your. b.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
