Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
is that a dick in a sweater?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
