At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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