I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
