the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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