So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
