summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
