My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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