I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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