she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
is that a dick in a sweater?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
