i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
