Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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