I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
