evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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