you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
