and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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