she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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